So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I party with great urgency now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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