i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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