I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
