instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
