I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
