Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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