sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize