apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Come on in and take your pants off
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
