even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
where are my eyebrows?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
