i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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