nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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