thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She needs sedatives and a leash
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
