OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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