Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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