dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
