We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
