Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
