If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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