You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
