oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
