he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
