im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
