You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
