I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
