I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize