Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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