I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
