I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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