He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
