I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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