i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
