How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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