I wish I could teleport
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize