how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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