did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
