drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
