proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
