3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
