put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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