Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
