if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My vagina is officially offended.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
