Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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