I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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