see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
