She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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