Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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