before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
