oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
