I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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