you win again, gameday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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