Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
