shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
