so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
