My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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