Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
