I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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