shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
