I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize