Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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