Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
there is glitter all over my balls
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
