I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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