would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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