just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
