I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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