Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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