I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize