Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
MIDGETS
????
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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