Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
