No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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