All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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