I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
