How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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