No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you never un-have a 4some
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
