wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My vagina is officially offended.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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