So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
