"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
