Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
