trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize