I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
