It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
