Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
