Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize