haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
