I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
