I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
