My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
