guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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