We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
