I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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