do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
