what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize