thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
