He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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