he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
