my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
