My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
