i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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