One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
