She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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