her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
