Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
