thus making me awesome and them whores
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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