Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
