i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
