8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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