i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize