Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
